I never had anxiety before having kids and even after my kids were born it was mostly normal every day worry not full blown anxiety. Then, when my son was one year old, my best friend’s son was stillborn and full on anxiety kicked in. I was there with her when we found out he was gone and I was one of her go-to people of support in the dark days after her loss. I wanted to be there for her and was glad that she was opening up to me, but it didn’t come without it’s own affects on my mental and physical well-being. I began to have anxiety attacks that manifested in the form of what fell life labor contractions and would last for hours and sometimes days.
I went to therapy for the first time in my life and opened up about not just about the loss of my friend’s son and the affect on me but also issues that came up from my past. I highly recommend therapy to help with anxiety or at the very least talking to someone in your life rather than holding it in. Although, I never felt I needed pharmaceutical drugs, I know there are many people who do benefit from them. In this post I wanted to share some of the things that helped me through this dark time and continue to help me today as I deal with daily bouts of anxiety and occasional anxiety attacks.
Initially I had a really hard time falling asleep as I tried to process what I had just been through and kept putting myself in my friend’s shoes knowing she was suffering and that for whatever I went through it was so much worse for her. I found that falling asleep to a guided meditation was very helpful to me and I ended up recommending it to my friend and she benefitting from it as well. I especially love Expectful if you are in the pregnancy or motherhood stage of life. I also discovered this special headband that makes falling asleep with headphones a bit more comfortable.
This supplement continues to help me immensely with managing anxiety. If I start to feel a little anxious for no apparent reason, I squirt some in my mouth and I notice a real difference very quickly. Warning, it tastes gross but if you chase it with some water, the taste goes away quickly. This tincture, also has motherwort in it and was created by a midwife I know well to increase fertility so if you’re trying to conceive and anxious, I recommend it highly as well!
The mental benefits of even a 30 minute walk are pretty amazing and if you want a more intense workout my favorite free resources are the 7 minute workout app or yoga videos on youtube. If you’re expecting, I’m a huge fan of Knocked Up Fitness which offers specific breathing techniques, yoga and workout routines for pregnant moms.
Getting enough sleep when you’re dealing with anxiety is really important but it’s also often hard to turn your brain off in the evening. My friend loved a relaxation technique that can be found in the Yoga for Grief Relief that has lots of great resources she loved. Basically before going to sleep, while lying down you start at your feet and concentrate on each part of your body being totally relaxed. Repeat in your head, “my feet are completely relaxed,” and once they start to tingle you move up to your calves, thighs, pelvis, stomach, etc. until you’ve done your entire body. She said this exercise helped her not to lie down in bed and toss and turn thinking about everything.
For anxiety at bedtime, my friend also swears by this Eucalyptus spray that her mother-in-law who’s a L&D nurse recommended. It’s pricey but lasts for quite awhile with just one spray on the pillow each night.
Specific Support Groups
My friend shared with me that social media groups help you feel less alone and crazy and the more specific the group is to your own experience, the better. For instance, there’s a FB group for pregnancy after loss specifically for moms of 3rd trimester losses. I imagine that regardless of what is causing anxiety for you, there’s a Facebook group or even local in-person support group that could help.
You’ve gotten your positive pregnancy test! Congratulations! So many feelings set in those first couple weeks—excitement, anticipation, joy, and even some trepidation, fear, nervousness, or being completely overwhelmed. Try to relax, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and our goal is help ease some of that stress for you! There’s no “right” answer here, so inform yourself so you know your option and then follow your instincts. Whatever you decide in the end, know that you can absolutely do this!
So now what? Here’s some first steps to help you get moving in the right direction.
Think about the kind of birth you’d like
What do you know about birth? What opinions or feelings do you have about the kind of care you’d like for yourself and your baby? Some women know right away, but others take time. Educating yourself will be an invaluable tool when it comes time to deliver. Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to your mom, aunts, cousins, sisters and friends but sometimes it will be up to YOU to figure out what is best for you and your baby. And spend some time listening to your intuition.
Read books to prepare
Check out our favorites for pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, postpartum and motherhood.
Listen to Birth Stories
Not to toot our own horn but we often hear that this is THE most useful preparation for giving birth. The Birth Hour covers all types of birth stories so you can pick and choose the episodes you want to listen to or binge them all and be prepared for any given scenario.
Decide on a Care Provider
Once you have an idea of how you think you’d like to deliver, make the first appointment with a doctor or midwife. Most care providers will want to see you between 8-11 weeks to be able to hear a heartbeat, confirm your due date, and maybe even do an ultrasound. If you decide to hire an obstetrician, many clinics fill up fast, so even if you are only 4 weeks, it’s a good idea to schedule an appointment for a simple interview to see if the OB is a good fit for you.
OB vs. midwife can be a tricky decision. If you want a drug-free birth, a midwife is an excellent option. They tend to deal with low-risk pregnancies (what does it mean to be low-risk), spend lots of time with you during appointments and attend to you during the majority of labor. OBs are good options if you think you’d like pain management, a hospital setting for labor and delivery, or have a higher risk pregnancy.
Remember, nothing is ever set in stone. Just make some choices and start interviewing care providers. If at some point during your pregnancy you feel uneasy about your provider, or the hospital, or the policies, or anything else, it’s completely your prerogative to change your mind—they work for YOU! Advocate for yourself, ask questions (and demand answers until you feel comfortable) and follow your intuition. There are always options, and your safety and peace of mind is the priority and both are integral to a successful birth experience.
Buy some prenatal vitamins
That tiny little baby is developing vital organs rapidly right from the get-go. Brain and heart development are specifically important at this stage, and getting enough folic acid in particular can prevent some pretty serious birth defects. By week 8, the fetus structurally has everything that an adult has, even though it’s only 2 inches long. Getting the right vitamins early on helps to ensure proper development. Keep in mind not all vitamins are created equal. A good test is to drop a pill in a cup of water and see if it dissolves. If it does, that means your body will absorb all those important nutrients. If it is still in pill form an hour or two later, get a different brand. These are your new best friends! Start taking those bad boys right away! Theralogix is a brand that we love that offers monthly shipments and their supplements are developed by a team of doctors. (That link will get you 15% off!)
Ditch harmful substances
Say “see you later!” to your favorite cocktail. Pregnancy is a vulnerable time and what the mama gets, the baby gets. Excessive alcohol during pregnancy can lead to fetal alcohol syndrome and other nervous system disorders so it’s best to give it up for the next 9 months (although many studies show that the occasional glass of wine is harmless). Just talk to your care provider. The same goes for cigarettes and other drugs. Even second hand smoke can do damage to that vulnerable little baby, so steer clear and talk to your care provider about solutions if you need some help cutting back. Here’s a complete list of things to avoid while pregnant.
Know the basics of nutrition
There are a couple of foods that are off-limits for the next little while, here are the general guidelines.
Things to avoid:
Raw or runny eggs
Fish containing large amounts of mercury like mackerel, shark, swordfish.
Limit white albacore tuna to one weekly serving.
Soft, unpasteurized cheeses like brie, goat cheese, or blue cheese. Pasteurized cheese is ok.
Deli meat, unless it is heated up first.
Limit coffee to 12 oz. per day and tea to 2 cups per day.
In general try to eat well balanced meals from all the major food groups, especially fresh fruits and veggies. Have no fear if morning sickness sabotages your best intentions. Do what you can. Your baby will take what it needs from you. Oh yes! You can get used to that idea. This is just the beginning! It is especially important to get the adequate amount of protein each day and to keep your iron levels up. We recommend this protein powder and this iron supplement.
Do some general lifestyle brainstorming for when the baby is born
Will you continue to work? What is the maternity leave policy at your place of employment? Will you want to potentially take some time off work and what will that entail financially for your household? These kinds of questions can be overwhelming and stressful. Don’t rush into anything at this stage. Just start thinking of possible options and you’ll get a feel for things as time passes and you get used to the idea of a baby coming!
Plan on when to tell your boss
This is a tricky situation and there are countless opinions on what to do. Ultimately there is no right solution, but think about the relationship you have with your boss, and how you anticipate them taking the news. Personally, I am a fan of telling them fairly early on. Your body changes can be unpredictable, especially in the early stages. Morning sickness might be pretty rough, and a boss knowing what’s going on can help if you need a few sick days, or to run out to your car and nap during lunch. Try not to fret too much about this one. There are laws protecting women’s rights, so most bosses are forced to be pretty understanding in this department. Again, follow your intuition and break the news when it feels right to you.
Go out to a nice restaurant with your significant other or girlfriends. Eat some delicious food (while you can still tolerate it!), talk all about your dreams for your family and for the baby. Go buy a baby outfit or gift for your little one. And one for yourself too. You’re embarking on an exciting, empowering, life-changing journey. Welcome to motherhood!
This post is sponsored by Theralogix, makers of of the TheraNatal line of nutritional supplements.TheraNatal supplements are specifically formulated to meet a woman’s unique nutrient needs before, during, and after pregnancy. TheraNatal prenatal vitamins contain the nutrients you and your baby need to support a healthy pregnancy. All TheraNatal vitamins are dye-free, gluten-free, and cost less than the typical insurance co-pay. Learn more at theranatal.com. Use this link to get a discount of approximately 15% off your purchase.
This guest post was written by Austyn Smith.
Remember sex ed? All the funny phrases and shocking details that made you and all your 5th grade friends giggle nonstop at recess for the next month?! Good stuff. Important stuff. But I feel like women need ONE more sex ed class maybe around the end of high school or start of college. All about how a woman’s cycle REALLY works. What’s REALLY going on every month in terms of fertility.
When I had a hard time getting pregnant with my first baby, I came across a life-changing book, “Taking Charge of Your Fertility,” by Toni Weschelr. Having taken many science/anatomy/physiology classes in college I felt like I had a pretty good handle on how things worked, but after reading this book I realized how little we are really taught about the amazing work of art that is a woman’s body.
Weschler’s aim is to help women understand their fertility physiology for two purposes:
- To achieve pregnancy
- To practice natural birth control
Using the Fertility Awareness Method for pregnancy achievement.
Many women mistakenly believe they are infertile, when they’ve tried to conceive for 1 year without success. This can be exacerbated by irregular cycles, using the calendar to guestimate ovulation and periods, doctors prescribing clomid prematurely, doctors testing levels at the wrong time, etc. Many times infertility is not an issue, but more knowledge is needed both for patient and doctor.
Let’s start out by mapping out all the hormonal changes that happen during a normal menstrual cycle.
All of these different lines represent different hormones. I once showed this to my husband at a well-timed moment of emotion. It really helped me drive home my point that it’s just hard sometimes!
These powerful hormones are hard at work all doing different things during your cycle, preparing your body for peak fertility. The 3 fertility signs we’ll focus on here are:
- Waking Temperature
- Cervial Fluid
- Cervical Position
- Ovulation Test Strips (This one isn’t really part of the FAM but it’s a great way to back-up your results while you’re getting used to using FAM).
Tool #1—Waking Temperature
A normal pre-ovulatory temperature is 97.0-97.5 degrees. What’s cool is that after the egg has been released during ovulation, there is a big temperature surge, almost by 1 whole degree, (97.6-98.6 degrees) and it will remain high until the period comes…or pregnancy. One tricky thing about basal body temperature charts is that women can mistakenly wait until their temperature has spiked and then think, “Oh, perfect! I am about to ovulate. Time to have sex.” When in reality, the egg has already been released, and optimal conception time was a day or two earlier.
In terms of fertility tools, charting basal body temperature (BBT) can help a woman know IF she has ovulated, and WHEN she has ovulated. This can be a really helpful diagnostic tool if a woman is unsuccessful in getting pregnant. Ovulation can be delayed for many reasons—sickness, travel, stress, excessive exercise, diet changes. If you stop “trying” after the typical 14 day estimate (half of a 28 day cycle), you could miss ovulation entirely if that egg is not released for another 5 days. I once had a 54 day cycle when I was actively trying to get pregnant. Had I not been charting my temp I might have been frustrated at the slew of negative pregnancy tests, but I knew I hadn’t ovulated yet.
Another cool thing about knowing your temps is that after ovulation, the days until your period (the luteal phase) are ALWAYS the same. So once you chart a month or two and can tell your ovulation days, you know you’ll have your period in x number of days (usually 12-16). Helpful right?! This can also be a diagnostic tool, because if a luteal phase is less than 12 days after ovulation, pregnancy cannot occur. A doctor will know the exact treatment for this without you ever having to go through invasive tests.
Directions for taking waking temperature
- Take temperature first thing without even getting out of bed. Try not to move much, except to grab the thermometer.
- Take temperature orally
- Take at the same time every day, within one hour
- Make sure you’ve had three hours of consecutive sleep beforehand, or don’t count that day.
Here’s an example of a typical temperature chart.
Look at whole broad pattern, as temps will vary day to day. When there is a steady surge of temperatures .5 degrees higher than normal, you can know you’ve ovulated.
Tool #2—Cervical Fluid
The environment in a uterus is constantly changing throughout a month, while it is preparing for a potential pregnancy. Different hormone surges affect cervical mucus at various times during the cycle. A typical cycle usually follows this pattern: menstruation, nothing/dry, sticky, creamy, egg white, nothing/dry, menstruation. The most fertile type of mucus is egg white. The book has amazing pictures of different types of mucus to help familiarize yourself with all the types. If you are paying attention, you will start noticing wetness a few days before ovulation, usually on your underwear, and mucus will change. I feel naive to say that I had no idea this was normal! I thought something weird or gross was going on with me and that it didn’t happen to other women. Really it is just a signal to get moving with baby-making! This mucus is an ideal environment for sperm to thrive and move. And while we’re talking about it, most lubricant is toxic to sperm. Your best bet is to use your own fluid but if you need lubricant, use this one that is specifically meant for conception.
Directions for checking cervical mucus
- Start noticing mucus on the first day after menstruation ends. Focus on vaginal sensations throughout day.
- Check before you use bathroom (kegals before helps), about 3 times a day. Notice if it’s on your underwear throughout day. You can look on your toilet paper, on your underwear, or even check internally.
- Learn difference between semen and cervical mucus- what each type looks, feels, and stretches like. Eggwhite mucus is very stretchy, sometimes up to 8 or 9 inches!
- During the most fertile time, things should be wet often down there. Look in the toilet water during fertile time, especially after bowel movement. There will occasionally be some gooey globs of cervical mucus down in the bowl.
It might make you squeamish at first, but I have found this completely fascinating, and it has led to easier conception as a result!
Tool # 3—Cervical Position (optional)
Cervical position is also constantly changing during a menstrual cycle. At the beginning of a cycle, it starts out firm and low, then becomes closed and dry. During the fertile time, it is soft, high, open and wet. Then it returns to firm, low, closed and dry, and then finally, menstruation.
Directions for checking cervical position
Check once a day starting the day after menstruation. Wash hands with soap, and check at a consistent time every day. The most effective position for checking is squatting, but sitting on a toilet is also fine. Just be consistent.
A few other secondary fertile signs include: midcycle spotting, pain in ovaries, abdominal bloating, water retention, and breast tenderness.
Using the Fertility Awareness Method to track these 3 tools all together will give you a broad overall picture of where you stand as far as fertility is concerned. It will help you know when you are nearing your most fertile time (not always accurate by calendar!), and whether or not your body IS i fact getting fertile. You might find that your temp is changing, so you know for sure you are ovulating, but maybe you never have any egg white mucus. That can point you to the possibility that your uterine environment is hostile toward sperm. There are countless clues available from charting these variables every month. It can even help you know if you are achieving pregnancy regularly, but then miscarrying early. Knowledge is power, and the more info you can bring to your doctor the better.
FAM can be a very helpful tool in achieving pregnancy or diagnosing specifics with infertility. I’ve used it for many many years and have loved it. It’s brought me my babies, but equally important has helped me to better understand what’s happening with my body every month, physically and emotionally. And let’s just say- that’s a benefit for the entire family!
This post is sponsored by Theralogix, makers of of the TheraNatal line of nutritional supplements. TheraNatal preconception vitamins contain all the nutrients you need to prepare your body for pregnancy, including folate and vitamin D. For women 35 and over, TheraNatal OvaVite also contains CoQ10. Use this link to get a discount of approximately 15% off your purchase and be sure to listen to my chat with Theralogix at the end of this episode about how their products support women with infertility issues.
Bringing Awareness to Infertility
Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples or 15% of of couples in America according to the CDC. National Infertility Awareness Week strives to bring more attention to the struggle of infertility. At The Birth Hour we feature all types of pregnancy and birth stories and wanted to highlight some of our infertility stories this week.
1. Infertility Journey, Pregnancy and Birth Story
Camille knew going into her marriage that her PCOS had caused infertility issues and she and her husband had a long road ahead. After years of trying, she finally got that positive pregnancy test.
2. Surrogate & IVF Pregnancy & Birth Stories
Nancy and her husband went through cycle after cycle of IVF and eventually decided to use a surrogate to carry their first pregnancy. As fate would have it, Nancy became pregnant the same month that her surrogate got a positive pregnancy test. They welcomed two daughters within weeks of one another!
3. Infertility, Placental Abruption Cesarean, and VBAC Birth Stories
Alexandra Barretta is from Queens, NY. After struggling with infertility, she was able to get pregnant after several IUI’s and 2 IVF’s. Her son was born 6 weeks early due to a placental abruption via c-section.
4. Surprise Pregnancy at 33 Weeks Birth Story
Phuoa and her husband had been trying to conceive for 5 years and she had put getting pregnant towards the back of her mind. She actually didn’t realize she was pregnant until she took a test after noticing a linea negra and by the time she went in to get her ultrasound found out she was 33 weeks along and her baby was born premature the very next week!
5. Pregnancy and Birth with Type 1 Diabetes
Kate is a 35 year old Type 1 Diabetic, diagnosed at the age of 25. She’s insulin dependent, and uses a medtronic insulin pump and glucose sensor to manage her blood glucose. She was categorized with unexplained infertility and after 5 years of trying, conceived a baby through IVF. She was only able to transfer one embryo at a time to prevent the risk of carrying more than one baby as a Type 1 Diabetic. Their third (and last) embryo took, and she now has a beautiful baby boy!
6. Surrogacy: Carrying My Brother’s Babies
When Tiffany’s sister-in-law had to have a hysterectomy after a postpartum hemorrhage with her first birth, Tiffany almost immediately offered to be their surrogate for a future child. After some time passed and lots of planning and discussion, they decided to go down the path of surrogacy with Tiffany carrying her brother and sister-in-laws next child. It turned out to be two babies instead of one and soon Tiffany was pregnant with their twin boys!
7. Gestational Carrier Birth Story
After multiple methods and attempts at getting pregnant the best diagnosis doctors could give Sarah was “unexplained infertility.” While her infertility journey has been incredibly frustrating, especially being unexplained, Sarah never gave up her dream of becoming a mom. And after almost 9 years of infertility, a miracle happened; her and her husband were blessed with two beautiful twin baby girls through the amazing gift of a gestational carrier.
8. Pregnancy & Childbirth after PCOS
Marissa Lawton discusses getting pregnant with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and dealing with fertility treatments and the anxiety she dealt with about infertility, about whether a fertilized egg would be viable, how many babies she would carry and whether her baby would be healthy throughout her pregnancy.
What is a Babymoon and Should I Take One?
Pregnancy is a super sweet time of excitement and happiness but can also start to feel a little hectic now and then. Doesn’t it feel like there are so many to-dos and checklists? In between doctor/midwife appointments, baby showers, nursery painting, maternity photos and classes you’re also supposed to relax and take good care of yourself. It’s all a little overwhelming!
What is a Babymoon?
For all you expecting mamas, it may come as no surprise then that babymoons have become so popular in recent years.Though the term ‘babymoon’ used to mean the days immediately after birth when a couple took time to rest, bond and generally bask in the glow of their new baby, it’s now applied to a couple taking a big (or not so big) trip away together before the birth of their baby. Consider it a last hurrah before life changes in a major way.
Celebrities have made these getaways all the more mainstream and can be a great source for inspiration on locations to check out. A consistently popular destination is Mexico (famous babymooners include Kate Hudson, Kourtney Kardashian and Kristin Cavallari) and the Caribbean (Uma Thurman) but with Zika Virus other spots like Hawaii (Hilary Duff, Marissa Miller), Italy (Camila McConaughey, Sienna Miller and Hayden Panettiere) and California (Natalie Portman, Mariah Carey) are getting more love from couples wanting a beautiful babymoon without the worry.
Why Take a Babymoon?
Babymoons aren’t just for the rich and famous—the reasons why a babymoon is beneficial for all couples are simple but so important: Whether this is your first baby or your fifth, your free time is about to get cut down. Way down. A babymoon is a great opportunity to slow down, reconnect and make new memories as a couple. Use your babymoon to sleep in, relax and indulge in self-care before your focus shifts to midnight feedings and diaper changes. After all, happy, loving parents often make for a more relaxed baby so think of your babymoon as a gift for your baby as well—once your little one is on the scene you’ll be glad you invested in your relationship as a couple.
Babymoon Options for Expecting Couples
And lest you think a babymoon has to be expensive and exotic (although who doesn’t love a good tropical beach?!) think again: consider a ‘staycation’ style babymoon by spending the night in a nice hotel near you or a long weekend away to someplace within driving distance.
It’s now even possible to knock out two birds with one stone: as babymoons have become more popular—and expecting parents busier than ever—you can find beautiful weekend getaways that include all of your classes to prepare for childbirth and beyond. Here are a few of our favorites:
Set in the rolling hills of Fredericksburg, Texas just 80 miles west of funky Austin, The Babymoon Retreat offers a 4-night stay for couples in a boutique bed and breakfast. Led by doulas, childbirth educators and lactation counselors couples get daily classes in birth, breastfeeding and baby care so they don’t need to take a single class at home. Activities include complimentary massage therapy, daily yoga, Ask the Doula Session and more.
When: Late March and Mid October
Cost: $2,495 – $3,000 per couple depending on early bird sign-up
If you’re looking for an east coast getaway, this one’s for you! Hidden away in beautiful Maine, this 3-day weekend at a luxury resort includes private daily childbirth preparation and coaching with Laura Thompson Brady, founder of The Nourished Home. Activities include massage therapy, yoga, hiking and more.
When: Dates are customized to you! Laura takes only one couple at a time and offers this Babymoon to only a handful of couples each year
Cost: Also customized based on your needs
Regardless of where you end up, you won’t regret this little pitstop for two before reaching your final destination of parenthood!
This guest post was written by Phyllis Braesnell.
Advancements in technology, industry, and business have brought about many changes within the last century. Society has likewise evolved both for better or for worse. Among these evolutions has been a big shift in the standard process of childbirth. Back in the day it was fairly normal to live near extended family and close friends, so it was very natural to have many of them support a woman during labor and delivery. As we have changed over time, it is now more common to live far away from family and delivering in the hospital has become the norm. A side effect from these changes is that mothers have lost the standard support team of women around them while they labor. A possible replacement for this lack of support is to hire a doula. Despite the myriad of positive benefits of a professional doula, only a small percentage of women utilize them. Many newly pregnant women often wonder if a doula is a worthy investment.
Benefits of having a doula
Many studies have been conducted that show the positive effects of doula support, although currently only about 6% of women use one. These benefits include, but are not limited to: decreased labor time; and a lower rate of epidurals, c-sections, pitocin administration, and instrumental assistance during delivery. A Mother who hires a doula also tends to have a much more positive view of her experience. When she feels safe and protected, she lets go of fear (which interferes with progression). Stress levels decrease, and natural oxytocin levels rise, thus encouraging labor advancement. After babies are born, they are more likely to have higher apgar scores (Hodnett, Gates, Hofmeyr, Sakala, & Weston, 2013), and there is an earlier initiation of breastfeeding as well.
Do I need a doula?
There are many known benefits of doula support during labor, but do you really need one?
The large majority of women deliver babies in a hospital and are left to the care and attention of a medical team. A staff may be concerned and aware of a mother’s physical and emotional needs, but they are often distracted by their duties as part of hospital procedure and policy. A nurse, midwife, and doctor all have their own specific tasks to complete—monitoring the baby’s vitals, reading charts and logs, making sure mom is hydrated, and has good stats, etc. They are preoccupied with the safety of mother and baby and are also overseeing a large number of other laboring women at the same time. They will be in and out of the room constantly, and even monitoring moms from machines in the hall. Think of all that is going through the minds of these healthcare workers during delivery.
Making sure baby’s position is optimal, providing perineal support, trying to prevent tearing, coaching mom how to push, monitoring baby and mother’s vitals, assisting the baby when it emerges, making sure the baby is breathing, checking apgar scores, cleaning things up, performing sutures, baby care, delivering the placenta, avoiding hemorrhaging, and keeping things sterile. They have so much going on mentally and physically that although they may be sympathetic to the mother’s needs, they cannot be too preoccupied with them. Plus they have other patients simultaneously.
A Doula’s Purpose
Conversely a doula’s primary purpose is to provide emotional, physical, and informational support for the mother for the entire duration of labor, and afterward. She will be solely focused on you and at your side continually. But what if you have a partner, sister, mother or friend with you? It is highly recommended to have support from people you love and trust. Yet keep in mind that your support group is not always specifically trained in how to care for a laboring woman, no matter how much they love you, whereas a doula is. In order to become a certified doula, a candidate must meet many qualifications. DONA International, “the international leader in evidence-based doula training, certification, and continuing education,” requires that a doula meet the following criteria:
- have a minimum of 28 hours of labor support time logged
- read several required textbooks on labor and birth
- attend at least 3 births and be evaluated by a doctor, nurse or midwife, and the mother.
This knowledge and skill set put into practice is truly invaluable in knowing intuitively how to support a laboring mother.
Doula Services Prior to Delivery
A doula will usually meet with a client about two times prior before the mother goes into labor. During these meetings, she will get to know you a bit, get a feel for what your birth vision and preferences are, and help with a birth plan. She can address any concerns and fears you have about birth, and offer educational materials to review. She can learn about your personality and what calms you, as well as what gives you a boost when you are tired, and how you best anticipate needing support.
A good doula will also be well connected to the birth community for additional support and education. This can be a great resource for women wanting to gain more childbirth education and to get involved with other moms and resources in the area.
Doulas Stay With You the Whole Time
The best thing about doulas is that they are usually available as early as you’d like them in the process, even from the first few contractions. They can come to your home and be with you while you labor there, then transfer with you to the hospital. One of the main advantages to hiring a doula is that you meet her and know her before you go into labor, whereas your nurse and perhaps the doctor on call at a hospital can be complete strangers. Having your doula with you can help you feel more at ease when you arrive. Another advantage is she will stay right with you whereas doctors and nurses, and sometimes even partners will be in and out throughout the process.
Doulas Support Your Partner Too
Doulas are also valuable resources for birth partners. A doula does not replace a partner’s support; rather she assists both parties. She can allow the partner the main role of offering words of encouragement and emotional support while she provides some physical support, and vice versa. She can offer suggestions of what a partner can do to help mom. She can also support the partner should he start to feel anxious or overtired. In one recent study, it was recorded that on average, doulas touched the laboring mother 95 percent of the time, as compared with less than 20 percent by male partners. This in no way discredits the helpfulness of a partner, but rather sheds light on the fact that a doula and a partner have different primary roles. In the end she will be able to read signals from mom and partner of what their needs are in the moment.
A doula’s job is to be there for the mom and to encourage a safe and satisfying birth experience. She provides three kinds of support—informational, physical, and emotional.
Physical Support from a Doula
A doula draws upon her knowledge of many different labor positions and offers suggestions to the laboring mother to help ease discomfort and keep labor progressing. She can offer massage or counter pressure, adjust mother’s temperature with blankets or cool washcloths and fans. She can help to implement breathing and relaxation techniques, and will offer verbal reassurances. She can offer ice chips, drinks, and food if the hospital allows it. She remembers things mom might not think of like to use the bathroom frequently. She knows mom’s preferences and will guard the atmosphere so it remains as calm and peaceful as possible. This is invaluable, especially when the mother is focused and does not want to be bothered with details.
Doulas Offer Informational Support
A well-trained doula will be aware of the hospital policies where the mother is delivering, and will know what kinds of things are allowed and/or prohibited. She can offer advice and information if the mother has concerns or questions. A doula can be a liaison between the staff’s medical jargon and the procedures that are happening. Should unexpected complications arise, a doula can offer extra information, advice and encouragement for big decisions.
Emotional Support from Your Doula
Should some unexpected things arise during the course of the labor, a doula can offer emotional support and encouragement, especially if a c-section or epidural is ordered. She can help to ease fears and guilt and allow a mother to process her potential anxiety or confusion.
Keep in mind that a doula is not only valuable for mothers planning a natural birth, but for all kinds of deliveries. Birth can be an unpredictable event. Even if you plan on getting an epidural or having a planned c-section, a doula can offer tremendous emotional guidance during the process. She can help to aid in your comfort level both physically and mentally. She can be aware of the details that are happening while you are “in the zone.” If a lot of information is being thrown at a mother all at once, and she is already overwhelmed, it can be hard to process and remember what is being said. A doula can be a valuable second set of eyes and ears to absorb information and help answer your questions.
Postpartum Doula Services
Many doulas will offer care for postpartum mothers and charge an hourly rate. Their tasks can range anywhere from breastfeeding support, emotional support, physical care and healing of mother, to cleaning, cooking meals, or taking care of the baby so mother can rest. They will usually offer services up to a certain amount of time (like 4 hours), and some will even offer to sleep over and help with night feedings for an extra fee. The postpartum period can be a difficult time, especially for brand new moms, and the aid of a doula can be very valuable, so it’s something to consider. Even knowing the option is available can put one’s mind at ease.
An Example of a Positive Doula Experience
Elaine Stillerman of Massage Today tells of her positive experience with a doula.
“I called Ilana when I became pregnant. She came to my home to interview me and my husband about our hopes for the big day. Ilana took copious notes in the attempt to get to learn my likes, dislikes and what would be most helpful during labor. She gave us a realistic list of items I would need to make my labor more comfortable. Since then, I have provided my clients with that invaluable list and offer it in my textbook.
When the day came, Ilana had just returned from another birth she had stayed at for 13 hours. She had been home for two hours when I called. “Don’t worry,” she said, “I’m on mommy time.” My water broke and I went into active labor within minutes. The contractions were coming one after the other. She asked to hear a contraction. Did this mean put the phone on my abdomen? Or did she want to hear the sounds I was making? By this time, all rational thought was out the window. “What?” I asked. “Let me hear a contraction,” she repeated. Mine were silent. “I’ll meet you at the hospital.”
Once there, she directed my husband to get a different nurse and a private room for me. She disappeared for a few minutes and came back with a pile of waterproof pads and clean gowns. She opened her bag of goodies and asked if I was hungry or thirsty. And she held me. She massaged me. She danced with me. When the pains got intense, she took my face in her hands and said, “Give me the pain. Give it to me.” And the pains lessened.
When I felt I was losing strength, she told me to relax my feet and let Mother Earth’s power help me. She stayed by my side for 19 hours, encouraging me, honoring my efforts and nurturing me. And when my son was born, she told me how magnificent I had been. A week later, Ilana came to my home for a visit, bringing lunch, gifts, pictures and my birth story. We shared a life-affirming experience and I wasn’t going to let her out of my life since she had been such an important part of it.”
If this sounds like an experience you’d like to have, it is worth looking into hiring a doula.
How to find a doula
There are a few resources to help with finding the right doula for your specific needs. You’ll want to read reviews, choose several options, and then interview them to get a feel for the right fit for your personality. Here are some places to look.
- Dona.org – Doulas of North America
- Cappa.net– Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association
- Alace.org– Association of Labor Assistants and Childbirth Educators
- Birthcenters.org– National Association of Childbearing Centers
- Doulamatch.com– online database of certified doulas, where you can search by state, years of experience, and price.
Doctor or Midwife Office- many offices have a list of doulas in the area or that they have personally worked with before. This is a great sign that the office is mother-centered and practices evidence based birth!
Hospital—Similarly, some hospitals have doulas on staff full time that they offer to laboring mothers.
What does a doula cost?
A doula’s services can range anywhere from about $300-$1800. They will usually charge a down payment upfront and then collect the rest after delivery. Many doulas are willing to work with you on price if you are not able to afford their fee. Some believe that every woman has a right to have the support they need. Don’t rule someone out just because their fee is high. Check with them first and see if it is flexible, or if they would accept a payment plan. Many insurance companies are now helping to cover the cost of doulas as well, so check there to see if you qualify.
Having a baby is in itself a monumental accomplishment. A doula can provide the additional physical, emotional, and informational support a mother needs to navigate labor and delivery more easily. A mother’s birth experiences are some of the most significant she will have in life. Consider enlisting the aid of a doula to make it the most positive experience you can.
- Bolbol-Haghighi N, Masoumi S, Kazemi, F. “Effect of Continued Support of Midwifery Students in Labour on the Childbirth and Labour Consequences: A Randomized Controlled Clinical Trial.” Journal of Clinical and Diagnostic Research. 10. 9 (2016):QC14-QC17. Effect of Continued Support of Midwifery Students in Labour on the Childbirth and Labour Consequences: A Randomized Controlled Clinical Trial-PubMed-NCBI. Feb. 2017. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27790526
- Stillerman, Elaine. “In Honor of a Doula.” Massage Today. Dec. 2008. Massage Today Digital Issue. Web. Feb. 2017. http://www.massagetoday.com/mpacms/mt/article.php?t=38&id=13902
This guest post was written by Austyn Smith.